Thursday, June 09, 2005

Arranged & Love Marriage -Part VI

......Not every love match is similarly doomed. There are enough marriages based on great romance. Marriages that have survived all attempts to ruin them. Couples who have battled tremendous odds to be together—religious problems, caste problems, class problems, too. Yet, I fear the vulgarization of the entire love-marriage phenomenon.

At least some of the blame for this has to be shared by popular Hindi cinema. Love ke liye kuch bhi karega and similar sentiments. Nearly everyday, our newspapers run headlines about lovers caught in some hideous situation—elopements gone awry; acid attacks on women who have turned down ardent suitors; kidnappings and rapes. All this in the name of ‘love’. It’s not just an urban problem. These ludicrous manifestations of ‘love’ can be found in rural India, too! A direct spin-off of Bollywood potboilers, I’m convinced.

Marry for love, by all means. But be realistic at the same time. Marrying ‘above’ or ‘beneath’ your own level is an option only the stout-hearted should take. Even in this day and age, a large part of India is still preoccupied with caste and class. Those who attempt to cross either or both, will necessarily be up against a great deal of resistance.

To have the guts to stand up for your beliefs and marry the person you fancy, despite daunting odds, is a challenge. If, on the other hand, you are lucky enough to flip for someone you can happily take home to mother, go for it. There is no better reason to give up your independence than to be with a person you love and who loves you. But love alone is no guarantee.

At the end of the day, it’s back to the C-word: commitment. A couple in an ‘arranged’ match can fall in love later and make a success of their marriage. But someone opting for love cannot then look for the rewards of an arranged alliance.


Love is meant to overcome all odds and embrace any and every complication. Nothing quite as unrealistic or lofty is expected from a more conventional approach. Which is why, the next time someone rolls up flashing the right credentials and with serious intent, I shall swiftly arrange a dekho session at Mumbai’s all-time favourite ‘dekho’ venue—the old-fashioned ‘Sea Lounge’ at the Taj Mahal Hotel. Imagine me as a ‘proper’ mother-in-law! You can’t? Too bad. I can!


Source From The Truth abt Marriage by Shobha Dey

4 comments:

KL said...

I don't believe that throwing acid or such things are due to love gone sour. If you truly love someone, and then if she/he rejects you, then you will be so much heart broken or in misery that you won't be able to come up with all these revenge/avenge ideas.

Manish said...

What u r saying KL is about TRUE LOVE! Jo sachcha pyar karega wo kabhie aisa nahin karega!

In the post however author has just pointed out that media and society are justifying these actions as manifestation of love which are encouraging these trends further.

That's why she has used the term vulgarization of the entire love-marriage phenomenon.

KL said...

Ah! got your point now. Good point, very good point. Now that you or De has written it, I'm also wondering why do the media call those incidents as manifestation of love. Hmmm...

Dawn....सेहर said...

I am reading and learning too ;)
Thanks to Manish